As she walks in the room, eyes are peeled at her from head to toe! She’s being critiqued from her hair down to her shoes. There are many thoughts and even vocal whispers about her as she joins the room regardless to what the occasion of the event is. Some don’t like her hair, while other wonder why she had the audacity to wear that dress! Although, she looks astounding and she’s smiling on the outside, she is filled with fear and insecurity on the inside. It’s like she can hear the negative comments in her head being thrown toward her by the other women in the room.
Regardless of if we are tearing each other down in rooms we enter or if we are honestly finding it hard to celebrate another sister’s accomplishment- we have a problem. The thing is, it’s a problem that existed for hundreds of years among women. We see discord among women in families, among sisters and even strife between mothers and daughters. We see strife and competition in the workplace among women; with one trying to outdo the other. Even after we have formed friendships or clicks- many of these relationships are full of backstabbing and secretly competing with one another.
So why can’t we seem to get along with other women? I will share with you just a few of the reasons we don’t always get along.
The way we treat or respond to other women stem from our mothers- or our up-bringing
Think about it, as little girls we have either watched or overheard our mothers celebrate other women or tear them down with their mouths behind closed doors. You may have sat and watched your mom host a party or an event with her friends and then listened to her tear them down when they left.
We have overheard many phone conversations while riding in the car with mom of her discussing other women and their short comings.
See what we didn’t understand as little girls is that mom or the women that raised us had their own insecurities that they never dealt with. They didn’t know who they were and felt comfort or superior when they tore other women down with their mouths. So, we take that learned behavior and apply it to our own lives as girls from elementary school until we are adult women. It becomes the norm.
Some of us are used to being the center of attention
For many of us as women, we were called princess so much as if it was our first name. Regardless as to if it came from mom, dad or both parents; we are so used to being at the center of attention. As little girls and even teenagers, we got what we wanted and when we wanted it. We didn’t have many boundaries, and we just grew into spoiled women.
When we are then expected to enter the world and play nice with other people, especially women- we can’t. It’s hard and we feel threatened.
We don’t know who we are- which is why we can’t get along with other women.
When we feel threatened or intimated by other women it’s because we are unsure of who we are and what our purpose is. When you are feeling stuck or trying to figure out why you even exist- it’s hard to celebrate your sisters.
When we truly know who we are, we can genuinely smile and be happy for another woman, when she gets engaged, gets the promotion, or has launched her business, because when we are secure in who we are, we’re able to stay in our own lane, accomplish our own goals and yet celebrate the sister that sits next to us in her victories in life.
Girls, I implore you to explore and really take some time to discover who you are and why you are here. I promise you; your life will operate so much more smoothly in every aspect of your life.
Take some time to sit quietly and ask the creator who you are. What is it that you are to do in the world? When we absolutely know who we are and are confident about it, our personalities improve and people are drawn to us like magnets.
When you love you, it’s easy to like and love others.
So how do we break these cycles?
- Discovering your own identity makes it easier to celebrate your sisters
- Running your own race removes the need to compete with your sisters
- Finding a safe place- realistically, all women aren’t going to like each other or get along with one other, but I encourage you to find the circle of women that is safe for you. The women in your life that truly hold you accountable. The one’s that truly love and celebrate you. The ones that are in your corner when you’re at your lowest in life and when you’ve just accomplished your biggest plight.
- Be willing to self- evaluate- None of us are perfect and we will often find ourselves being critical of other women. I encourage you to check yourself. Check your thinking and your speech and be willing to correct it.
- Share the love- we can break these cycles when we love ourselves, when we are comfortable in our own skin and practice celebrating our sister’s success.